{"product_id":"book-djx5","title":"How to Save Your Child from Ostrich Attacks, Accidental Time Travel, and Anything Else That Might Happen on an Average Tuesday","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe parenting humorist behind the viral Twitter account @XplodingUnicorn and author of \u003cem\u003eOnly Dead on the Inside: A Parent’s Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse\u003c\/em\u003e presents the long-awaited guide to surviving everything else.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIn the era of instant parent shaming and viral hot takes, some questions are too dangerous to ask out loud: What’s the proper first aid for my toddler’s vampire bite? What should I do if I take a wrong turn on the way to soccer practice and end up in the Cretaceous Period? How can I fend off Godzilla without disrupting my child’s nap?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eFortunately, there’s now a parenting resource that answers those burning questions and many more.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eProfessional comedy writer and amateur father James Breakwell’s latest book tackles more than ninety survival challenges ordinary parents might encounter in their everyday lives, including\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003eHow to protect your child against tigers, penguins, mastodons, and other animals found in the suburbs;\u003c\/p\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003eHow to defeat ghosts, gremlins, mummies, and any other supernatural force that might prevent you from getting your kid to bed on time; and\u003c\/p\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003eHow to survive crashing horses, trains, hot air balloons, and other vehicles you might find in the carpool lane.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis is an essential guide for anyone who has children, might have children someday, or is vaguely aware children exist. Put this book down at your own—and your children’s—risk.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Blackstone Publishing","offers":[{"title":"Audiobook","offer_id":49293046743344,"sku":"BDdjx5","price":14.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Audio CD","offer_id":49293046808880,"sku":"ZEdjx5","price":24.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Audio MP3-CD","offer_id":49293046841648,"sku":"ZMdjx5","price":19.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0879\/2784\/9264\/files\/260961-djx5-Square.jpg?v=1732860569","url":"https:\/\/downpour.com\/products\/book-djx5","provider":"Downpour","version":"1.0","type":"link"}